Awakening Beyond Religious Conditioning

This morning at the gym, I had on my headphones listening to music and a song came on talking about “defeating the devil” and how “the devil has no power.” As I listened, something really clicked in me.

It brought me back to my old religious beliefs and the environment I was once deeply immersed in. So much of what I experienced within religion was centered around this warrior-like mentality of fighting evil, defeating darkness, resisting the devil, and protecting yourself from anything considered “demonic.”

The problem was… over time, almost everything became labeled as demonic.

Being gay or transgender.
Abortion.
Yoga.
Tarot.
Astrology.
New Age spirituality.
Drag queens.
Certain holidays.
Different beliefs.
Different ways of expressing identity.

I still remember working in the nursery at church one Sunday morning while listening to a sermon being broadcast through the speakers. The pastor began talking about how yoga invites demons into the body. And I remember feeling something deep inside of me immediately pull away from that teaching.

At that point, I had already gone through my spiritual awakening. I had already begun questioning, exploring, healing, and reconnecting to myself and to God in a much deeper way. But in that moment, I realized I needed to leave that environment behind.

What I didn’t fully understand then was how deeply ingrained religious conditioning can become.

When beliefs are repeated over and over through fear, shame, and separation, they begin to live inside the nervous system. Even after leaving, there can still be fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of punishment. Fear of trusting yourself. Fear of your own gifts. Fear of stepping into your power because somewhere deep inside, you were taught that power outside of the approved structure was dangerous.

And honestly, I still work through pieces of that.

As I continue sharing my gifts publicly, there are moments where I can feel the old programming trying to resurface. The fear of “giving power to the devil.” The fear of being deceived. The fear of stepping outside what I was taught was acceptable spirituality.

And deeper than that… there’s also the fear of being “too much.” Too strange. Too spiritual. Too “woo-woo.” Too outside of what people can understand or accept.

Being a channel for spirit is honestly one of the most vulnerable things I have ever stepped into because it requires me to release control and trust completely. It asks me to open myself as a vessel and allow messages, feelings, visions, and words to move through me… even when they sound wild, unusual, or difficult to explain logically.

And that can feel terrifying at times.

Because there’s always the human part of me questioning:
“What if people think I’m crazy?”
“What if I’m wrong?”
“What if I’m misunderstood?”

But I also know that truth does not always arrive in ways that fit neatly into human understanding.

Just as religion can hold truth, I believe spiritual experiences can too. But all things - religion, spirituality, teachings, even channeling - can become polluted when filtered through the ego, fear, superiority, or the need to control others.

That’s why my intention is never to convince people to believe exactly as I do.
My intention is simply to be love.

To share honestly.
To help people heal.
To encourage deeper self-awareness, compassion, connection, and truth within themselves.

I don’t want fear to lead my life anymore.
And I don’t want spirituality to become another system of separation.

Because one of the biggest things I’ve realized is that religion can sometimes create an “army mentality,” where people believe they are fighting darkness outside of themselves while never recognizing the fear, shame, judgment, and separation happening within.

The real battle is internal.

The power people spend their lives searching for outside of themselves has always existed within them.

Not in superiority.
Not in control.
Not in fear.
But in awareness, compassion, truth, connection, and love.

And maybe awakening is not about becoming a warrior against the world…
Maybe it’s about becoming conscious enough to stop fighting yourself.

I simply want to be a clear and loving vessel for whatever may genuinely help support humanity in healing, awakening, and remembering who they truly are.